And now, ladies and gentlemen, is the best thing I've read today. The author of the story, Mark Binelli, interviews the girlfriend of the head of operations, named Buffy. Buckle up:
Later that summer, Nate broke both of his arms in a dirt-bike accident and moved in with Buffy. "That was a bad time," she recalls. "Nate's arms were in casts. I was recovering from my surgery." She fluffs her breasts as a visual aid. "And my cat Titty Bar Bob had broken his back, and he got addicted to these painkillers. He'd crawl up the sides of the wall to get to them. It was a weird summer.
Kid Cannabis by Mark Binelli
(muffled, barely audible) "Can someone please just bring me some water?" (pause) "Hello?" (silence) "I can't move my legs and I'm thirsty." No answer. "I SAID I CAN'T MOVE MY LEGS AND I'M THIRSTY! HELLO!" (silence, then quietly warbled) "Goddammit."